According to sociologist Lyman Stone in an article published at the Institute for Family Studies, sexlessness “skyrocketed” between the late 2010s and the early 2020s, roughly doubling for young men and increasing by 50% for young women.
According to data gleaned from the National Survey of Family Growth, there has been an unprecedented rise in celibacy among those in the 22-34 age bracket, the period of life in which most people have historically gotten married. About a third of male and female respondents reported that they had not been intimate with anyone in the past three months, with about 24% of men and 13% of women reporting it had been at least a year. Of the respondents, 10% of men and 7% of women said they were virgins. All of these numbers are up significantly from 2013.
On one hand, the decline of hookup culture is clearly a good thing. Casual sex reliably produces personal and social brokenness, fuels demand for abortions, and increases the epidemics of fatherlessness and sexual infections. However, as Stone is careful to clarify, these surveys do not reflect a sudden outbreak of chastity. Rather, this “sex recession” has been “driven mostly by a decline in the number of males with one female partner” or long-term relationships. In other words, young people are not forming the same bonds, particularly marriage, that were once far more common.
As Stone writes:
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“[O]ne of the biggest drivers of declining sexual activity is the decline in marriage. Married people have more sex, and for most young adults, marriage is occurring later or not at all. As a result, sex is declining.”
Young adults are not returning to a more traditional approach to sex. Instead, more and more are giving up on it altogether. Sixty years after the promises of “free love,” society is increasingly loveless. Looking back at the vast cultural transformations since that time, this was inevitable.
The sexual revolution of the 1960s was supposed to liberate people from social norms and moral hang-ups. John Lennon imagined a religion-less utopia in which everybody could sleep with whomever they liked without judgment or consequence. Liberal intellectuals first re-wrote history and then proposed that the alternative ethic of consent could govern society. As long as both parties agreed, all would be well.
But it was not. If the subsequent decades of teen pregnancy, divorce, STDs, single parenthood, and the slaughter of the preborn were not enough to prove that, then the rise in sexual assault and harassment allegations in the #MeToo movement a few years ago should have. Clearly, in the gray area between consent and coercion, the false promises of the sexual revolution have reached a breaking point. The sexual revolution failed to deliver “free love” but instead enslaved and traumatized all who believed that promise. Now, smartphone-accessible pornography offers “risk-free” alternatives to this sexually burned-out society.
An increasing number of secular observers, like Christine Emba in her book Rethinking Sex, and Louise Perry in Against the Sexual Revolution, have also concluded that this long experiment in “free love” has failed and that it has been anything but freeing, especially for women and children.
St. Paul said it bluntly, “The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord.” At the heart of the Christian sexual ethic, which once held more sway in America, is the belief that God made us and knows what’s best for us. We are sexual beings, made to have sexual relationships, but ordered by marriage.
The solution for America’s sex recession is the same as for the sexual revolution. Rebuild a culture built on a proper understanding of the human person, as individuals made in the image of God and for the institution of marriage. Parents, teachers, pastors, employers, policymakers, and even the occasional coach in health class can encourage the next generation to have sex, in the way God created and intended. Christians should be especially careful to celebrate and honor marriage in how we talk, portraying it as realistic and responsible for young adults. They also need both examples of committed life-long love and places where relationships can both begin and deepen. Churches are uniquely positioned to provide both.
God made sex and the institution of marriage for our good and joy. A mountain of social science and decades of experience prove that His way is better than the lonely, loveless alternative.
Originally published at BreakPoint.
John Stonestreet serves as president of the Colson Center for Christian Worldview. He’s a sought-after author and speaker on areas of faith and culture, theology, worldview, education and apologetics.
Shane Morris is a senior writer at the Colson Center, where he has been the resident Calvinist and millennial, home-school grad since 2010, and an intern under Chuck Colson. He writes BreakPoint commentaries and columns. Shane has also written for The Federalist, The Christian Post, and Summit Ministries, and he blogs regularly for Patheos Evangelical as Troubler of Israel.
