Nashville shooter’s diary has anti-Christian, pro-LGBT entries

Warning: The following article contains graphic descriptions of sexually explicit diary entries. 

Newly published excerpts from the purported diary of the trans-identified perpetrator behind the mass shooting at Covenant School in Nashville, Tennessee, show perverse sexual fantasies, homicidal impulses and hostilities toward her parents’ Christian beliefs. 

In a lengthy X thread Wednesday, Daily Wire blogger Matt Walsh unveiled the contents of the diary belonging to Audrey Hale, the trans-identified shooter who killed six people at the Covenant School affiliated with the Presbyterian Church of America in March 2023. 

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The handwritten diary, concealed from the public for over a year and riddled with expletives, reveals the shooter’s resentment toward her parents and full-throated support for LGBT ideology. 

One passage shows Hale complaining about her parents’ efforts to make their children go to “youth group” and “force Christian friends” in their child’s lives “because the old ones were a ‘bad’ influence.” Hale took issue with her parents’ belief that “religion can change nature,” adding, “That could explain why I don’t practice religion anymore.” 

“Let kids think for themselves, listening to parents does no damned good,” Hale wrote.

In another passage, titled “My Imaginary Penis,” Hale railed against her parents and their preference for “conservative religion-gay s—,” suggesting that their worldview “makes them believe that the child they are given should stay that way.”

According to Hale, “Even if transgender treatment was discovered and tested during my time, I know how the situation would have turned out. My mother would not have [paid] a cent.”

Hale expressed envy toward “children who were able to successfully take puberty blockers and never enter a [tortured] puberty,” writing that they “don’t know how good they f— have it.” She also stated that she would “kill to have parents who would let [their] child be happy no matter how different it is to [their] viewpoints or don’t agree, or scared of it” and who “are willing to listen to their children, not the other way around.”

The “Imaginary Penis” entry, written two weeks before she carried out the school shooting, reads, “My penis exists in my head” and “I swear to God I’m a male.” It outlined Hale’s “sexual fantasies,” going into graphic detail about how she would sodomize the “girl I love.”

“I want to know what [that’s] like, but I never will because I was damned to be born this way,” she added.

After describing her situation as a “curse,” Hale likened herself to a deity.

“Having a brain like mine has its godliness but also prone to making poor a— decisions,” she said. 

She cited using the male name she had chosen for herself, Aiden, when filling out Instacart paperwork as one such poor decision because doing so made it so the “check didn’t clear.”

Hale recalled how she once was “thinking of porn and doing plastic surgery on my stuffed animals giving them penises.”

She detailed how she viewed her “stuffed boy doll” Tony as “the boy I am in another form,” detailing how she “constructed for him a penis” and got him together with her “girl doll Ashley.”

She went into graphic detail about how she orchestrated sex between the two dolls.

Hale also lamented that “the people in this world adds more bullets to shoot violent thoughts into my head on full-auto.”

While Walsh published screenshots of the diary on X and discussed it on his podcast, the excerpts of the diary are separate from those obtained by The Tennessee Star last week. 

The Star claimed it had reviewed nearly “four dozen images of notebook pages written by Hale that were recovered from the vehicle she drove to the Covenant School which were obtained from a source familiar with the Covenant investigation.”

On Monday, a Davidson County judge ordered a show cause hearing after the court received a request for comment on The Star’s publication. 

“Based on the foregoing, this Court sets a Show Cause hearing to determine why the alleged publication of certain purported documents by Petitioners Star Digital Media and Michael Leahy, as the Editor-in-Chief, does not violate the Orders of this Court subjecting them to contempt proceedings and sanctions,” the court order reads. 

Leahy and Star News Digital Media, Inc. are plaintiffs in lawsuits seeking to compel both the FBI and the Metro Nashville Police Department to release the writings left by Hale.

The diary excerpts obtained by The Star included an entry suggesting that Hale may have initially planned to carry out the mass shooting on Feb. 17, 2023, one month before it took place.

An additional excerpt of the diary, from March 8 of the same year, declared, “I need a trans doctor” and proclaimed, “this female gender role makes me want to not exist.”

The publication indicated that there was a word scratched out to the point that it was illegible, followed by Hale expressing a desire “to be completely gone in physical form … off the face of the earth.”

As reported by The Tennessee Star last week, the FBI sent a memo to the Metro Nashville Police Department a month and a half after the shooting, telling the local law enforcement agency that it “strongly discourages” the release of “legacy tokens” from mass murderers.

Suggesting that perpetrators of mass shootings “often leave behind items to claim credit for the attack and / or articulate the motivation behind it,” the FBI listed examples of “legacy tokens” as “manifestos, videos, social media postings, or other communications deliberately created by the shooter and delivered or staged for discovery by others, usually near in time to the shooting.”

The FBI warned that publishing “legacy tokens” would lead future mass shooters to “immerse themselves in and study these materials for inspiration and tactics.”

Identifying “infamy and notoriety” as “major motivators for many attackers,” the memo warned that “dispersion of legacy tokens through the media will only further the infamous and notorious goals of the offender.” The FBI also expressed concern that “legacy tokens” lead the public to “dismiss the attacker as mentally ill” and thereby advance “a false narrative that the majority of attackers are mentally ill.”

In November, the website “Louder With Crowder,” associated with conservative podcaster Steven Crowder, published excerpts of Hale’s diary outlining plans for the mass shooting. The entry detailed Hale’s excitement for carrying out the act of violence and provided a detailed schedule of “Death Day” — March 27, 2023, the day of the shooting. 

In addition to criticism surrounding the failure to release the diary, also referred to as a “manifesto,” media coverage of the trans identity of the shooter was also condemned in some outlets.

For example, a memo published by the New York Post revealed that CBS News banned its reporters from discussing Hale’s “transgender” status, while other news outlets refrained from mentioning that the mass shooting took place at a Christian school.