Ex-gay Christians gather at California state Capitol to give hope

A group of Christians who have repented of homosexual or transgender behavior gathered at the California state Capitol in Sacramento last Thursday to speak out against cultural and government resistance toward those who desire to leave the LGBT lifestyle.

“I hope that this event accomplishes a pushback against the belief that people don’t change,” Elizabeth Woning, an organizer of the event who serves as executive director of advocacy and government affairs for CHANGED Movement, told The Christian Post.

CHANGED, in partnership with the California Family Council, held a two-day “Speak Out” event last Wednesday and Thursday that culminated with Christians offering short testimonies on the state Capitol steps about how they believe God led them out of the LGBT identity.

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Several of the speakers grew emotional as they described how their sinful responses to pain only deepened their suffering, leading them into a self-destructive downward spiral until they turned to God.

All of them pushed back against the prevailing culture’s suggestion that healing from such pain is impossible.

Resisting censorship

Woning, who left lesbianism and now has a husband, is the co-founder of CHANGED, which she established in 2018 with Ken Williams, a licensed pastor at Bethel Church in Redding, California, who penned the 2021 bookThe Journey Out: How I Followed Jesus Away from Gay. Williams is also now married and has four children.

CHANGED describes itself as “a growing international network of people who left LGBTQ identity behind.”

Despite claims from critics that “conversion therapy” causes psychological harm, Woning said the event was intended to show that people who do seek change can have fulfilling lives. It also marked the seventh anniversary of when approximately 30 people associated with the organization first assembled there in 2018 in response to AB 2943.

The proposed state law, which emerged from the California Legislative LGBTQ Caucus, would have treated “efforts to change behaviors or gender expressions, or to eliminate or reduce sexual or romantic attractions or feelings toward individuals of the same sex” as consumer fraud.

Critics argued the bill would have effectively criminalized professional counseling even for adults seeking to move away from same-sex attraction or gender confusion, which they claimed was a violation of the First Amendment to the U.S. Constitution.

Another concern was the bill’s vague language, which the nonprofit Liberty Counsel warned at the time could encompass pastoral counseling and selling self-help books unsupportive of LGBT ideology, potentially even including the Bible.

After speakers involved with CHANGED gathered to share their stories at the California state Capitol in June 2018, the bill fizzled when it was pulled on the last day of that year’s legislative session, despite passing in the State Assembly.

Woning said the event this year was a way to “remember California’s efforts at censorship, and to remind legislators that we don’t want any future laws that would censor free speech.”

Despite AB 2943’s failure, it mirrors similar legislation that has been successfully passed in other countries, such as Canada, where counselors nationwide face up to five years in prison if they provide counseling that does not affirm homosexuality and transgender identity.

“Conversion therapy” for minors is illegal in the District of Columbia and 23 states, including California. The United Nations has likened so-called conversion therapy to torture, and U.N. Independent Expert on Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity, Victor Madrigal-Borloz, called for a global ban on it in 2020.

‘Still broken’

Like many of those who spoke at last week’s event at the state Capitol, Ivan Santos explained how rejecting God and embracing a homosexual lifestyle only plunged him deeper into misery.

During his testimony, Santos said his sexual experiences with other boys began at a young age. He recounted that after abandoning the Christian faith of his youth when he was 22, he at first felt a sense of freedom and belonging in the gay community.

“I was in relationships with men long-term, short-term; was into the ‘hook-up culture.’ I thought I was finally living my truth,” he said.

He ultimately realized his sense of freedom was false as he began descending into self-destruction.

“I thought I was living a life that was fulfilling, but I was very much still broken and very much still depressed. It didn’t take me long to grab a hold of substances to help with the shame and brokenness that I felt inside.”

Santos said his substance abuse began with alcohol and party drugs; by the end of his 12 years in the lifestyle, his behavior had spiraled out of control to include crystal meth and prostitution.

“I was so broken, and I remember saying a prayer. I said, ‘God, I don’t know how my life got to this point.’ And I heard Him say to me, ‘I’m ready to show you how good life can be if you follow me.’”

“And I said, ‘Lord, I want that.’”

Santos claimed that over the course of several days, he had supernatural experiences that revealed to him the intense spiritual warfare behind the veil of cultural battles. He also said he was overcome with a sense of God’s love for him despite his brokenness.

“God let me know that He loved me, and He wanted me.”

Santos said as he offered his sexuality to God despite his confusion and uncertainty, he began to realize that what he once considered to be a fundamental part of his identity was rooted in lust, the power of which diminished as he pursued repentance.

“As I followed Him, the things that felt concrete, the things that I thought would never change, began to shift,” he said. “And as the Lord showed me that I could actually walk in purity, that I could follow Him in the ways that He’s asked of me, the things that were concrete, the things that I said would never change, shifted.”

Santos said he is now living “a life that is overflowing with joy and peace.”

“I’ll never go back, only forward,” he added. “I’m so thankful.”

‘Torn between two worlds’

Cecil Jackman, who was the last at the Thursday rally to offer his testimony, epitomized much of what the other speakers had to say by recounting the pain of those who come to realize their faith and sexual attractions are incompatible.

He claimed his confusion started when his female babysitter sexually abused him when he was 4 years old.

“My innocence taken,” he said, choking up. “That shouldn’t have happened.”

Jackman said he convinced himself at the time that he had been molested because he was a boy, which consumed him with a desire to be a girl to escape further abuse. Though his mother was a Christian, he said his father physically and verbally abused him, mocking him as gay when he was young because he enjoyed picking flowers with his mother.

Though he outgrew his desire to be a girl, Jackman continued to suffer growing up because he was not athletic and struggled to relate to other boys, according to his written testimony. Amid his confusion in middle school, a male teacher molested him.

Following a suicide attempt, Jackman said he reached a crisis point that pushed him to pray for God’s help, and he ultimately understood he was unable to reconcile his sexual feelings with God’s commands.

“I was torn between two worlds,” he said. “I loved Jesus, but I was attracted to guys.”

Jackman’s despair drove him to believe that God had created him simply to take pleasure in his damnation.

“Because of my ‘dad wounds,’ I was so convinced God hated me,” he remembered. “I would call him ‘the big mean bully in the sky.’ I would tell my gay friends God made me just to send me to Hell someday.”

Jackman, who now has a wife and three children, said he came to realize he was believing a lie, and that far from desiring to condemn him, the Lord loved him enough to take all of his shame upon Himself, quoting Hebrews 12:2.

“I began to realize that God did love me,” he said. “When I learned I could trust God, my healing sped up dramatically.”

‘I wouldn’t trade it’

CHANGED co-founder Ken Williams told CP his pain growing up was significant enough that he wanted to take his own life when he was 17, but that years-long therapy with a Christian counselor helped him work through it.

When he first started seeing his counselor as a teenager, Williams said he was ridden with self-pity and questioned why God would allow him to suffer so deeply.

He said the mindset he once nursed has since dissipated.

“A lot of my thinking was, ‘Why me?’ Poor me victim mentality. ‘Why do I have to deal with the worst of the problems?’ I haven’t thought that in 15, 20 years. And it’s so rewarding to now be able to hopefully have a mouthpiece that offers hope to people out there who feel like I did.”

He emphasized that the type of therapy he received as a minor is now illegal in California.

“In those days, it was legal for me to get help that aligned with my faith convictions,” he said. “After getting that kind of help, some amazing Christian people just loved me very consistently, and I came out of that.”

Williams said he also has come to embrace his suffering, realizing that God used it to draw him to Himself in an unavoidable way.

“If you want to get somebody’s attention, grab them by their sexuality,” he said. “When you’re struggling with that — whether you’re a male or a female — I don’t know how you could struggle any deeper than that. So God got my attention deeply, He met me deeply and has walked with me closely.”

“So I wouldn’t change my life at all. I’m grateful for what the Lord’s done,” he added. “I wouldn’t trade it.”

Regarding what he might say to someone suffering from despair regarding sexual or gender confusion, he said, “I would give him a hug and tell him, ‘Hey, this is just one day in your life, and there’s a whole other life ahead for you if you want it. Jesus offers new life to people.’”