In 1995, psychologist and science journalist Daniel Goleman “published a book introducing most of the world to the nascent concept of emotional intelligence.” And 30 years later, these 5 components remain vitally important:
1. Self-awareness
2. Self-regulation
3. Motivation
4. Empathy
5. Social skills
Emotional intelligence is obviously crucial for anyone who wants success in their marriage, family, career, and friendships. But is there an overlap with your spiritual life? In other words, does spiritual growth increase emotional intelligence?
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When a person is converted through faith in Christ, he or she immediately starts to become more self-aware. Prior to conversion, you may have had little concern about how your behavior impacted the lives of others. But once your body became a temple of the Holy Spirit (see John 3:5-8; 1 Cor. 6:19), you were raised to a whole new level of personal discernment, spiritual awareness, and concern about the feelings of others.
That is not to say every Christian improves at the same rate. Unfortunately, some believers seem to make slow progress in emotional intelligence. But when spiritual growth does occur, it leads believers in Jesus to pay much more attention to the way our thoughts, feelings, and actions impact ourselves as well as those around us. The Apostle Paul instructed Christians: “Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification” (Romans 14:19).
Seeking peaceful interactions and mutually edifying relationships with others is evidence of spiritual maturity and emotional intelligence. But when a professing Christian shows little concern about how his behavior impacts others, he demonstrates tremendous immaturity. And only the Lord knows for sure whether or not such a person is even converted. After all, those who know Christ love the Lord and love one another (see John 13:35; 1 John 4:20). But if you live as though the world revolves around you, it indicates that you have chosen to be your own god.
The second component of emotional intelligence, self-regulation, receives a huge boost when a Christian starts to grow spiritually. The Bible lists “the fruit of the Spirit,” (Galatians 5:22-23), and the last thing on the list is self-control. Mature Christians have learned over the years how to consistently say ‘No’ to sinful thoughts, wicked words, and bad behavior (see Titus 2:11-12). Mature believers are certainly not perfect but have come a long way in terms of godly living and gentleness toward others.
Meanwhile, a believer’s old nature (sinful nature) is a clear and present danger as long as we are in these earthly bodies (see Romans 7:14-25). And without self-control, you will constantly get dragged around by whatever impulses and desires pop into your heart and mind (see James 1:13-15). Mature Christians, by the grace of God, do a far better job at self-regulation than immature believers.
And to see how spiritual growth impacts personal motivation, simply examine the lives of Christ’s first disciples. After being filled with the Holy Spirit on the Day of Pentecost, they enjoyed the assurance of their salvation and the power to reach lost people with the good news of the Gospel. Peter and John declared, “We cannot help speaking about what we have seen and heard” (Acts 4:20). This internal spiritual fire provided all the motivation necessary to press forward, even in the face of serious opposition and enormous challenges. Spiritual growth increases our daily motivation exponentially.
In addition, spiritual growth increases a person’s level of empathy. In fact, no Christian is growing spiritually unless he or she is becoming more sensitive to the concerns and needs of others. Empathy lies at the heart of what it means to follow Christ. After all, just look at how much empathy our Lord had toward people during His earthly ministry. “When Jesus saw the crowds, He had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd” (Matthew 9:36). The closer you walk with Christ, the more compassion you have for others.
The fifth and final component of emotional intelligence involves social skills. Some behaviors include flexibility, active listening, conflict resolution, and being slow to criticize others. A Christian who is often judgmental has stopped growing due to personal arrogance and a holier-than-thou attitude. This ungodly mindset does not come from the Lord, but from our sinful nature. Paul wrote, “You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things” (Romans 2:1).
As we consider all 5 of these components, it is easy to see the direct correlation between spiritual growth and emotional intelligence. If you are growing spiritually as a follower of Christ, you will also be living a more emotionally intelligent life. And when the fruit of the Spirit is filling your soul, and you are consistently “saying ‘No’ to ungodliness and worldly passions,” (Titus 2:12) you will exhibit plenty of “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control” (Galatians 5:22-23). Likewise, when a person exhibits low emotional intelligence, the red flags usually point to areas where their spiritual growth has come to a halt.
The Apostle Peter penned this wise directive to followers of Christ: “Make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love” (2 Peter 1:5-7).
God wants all of His children to grow spiritually, and especially in love for one another. “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love” (1 Corinthians 13:13).
Dan Delzell is the pastor of Redeemer Lutheran Church in Papillion, Nebraska.
