When I was born in 1944, the United States didn’t collect data on domestic violence. It wasn’t until the 1960’s that problems of domestic abuse gained traction in the media, and it took until the 1980’s for most states to adopt legislation addressing it. Before then, domestic abuse was merely considered “a private matter” and most often not taken seriously by law enforcement.
Consequently, it didn’t cross my teenage mind that what I faced was “abuse” — that was simply what I grew up with. However, I knew my home life wasn’t like that of my school friends.
I grew up with a fictitious last name. My father had three families concurrently — all at the same time — we were his third family, off on the side. When I was 12, we eventually moved into his home following the death of his first wife — then 11 months later, my parents married.
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At home, my dad was a dictator, and his word was law — the only law. One day he stated, “You are a bad influence on your mother. Once dinner is over, you will have no contact with her.” And I didn’t.
By 14, I couldn’t stand his abusive treatment of Mom, so I confronted him. “How can you treat Mother the way you do … and have all these other women?” He countered, “I’m not a Christian. I don’t have to live by Christian ethics.” Then he piled on, “Besides, your mother is mentally ill.” His words inflamed me. Because his eldest son from his first marriage was institutionalized as “paranoid schizophrenic” and had undergone a doctor-approved lobotomy, for years I lived in fear that he would have Mom institutionalized.
This confrontation ended with my father beating me until he finally wore out. The next day I was sent off to boarding school, which crushed my mother’s heart. I knew if I did anything wrong, he would take it out on her — and I couldn’t risk that. Protecting her became my life. So, I kept silent from that point on. I wouldn’t tell anyone anything — I emotionally shutdown.
Periodically, we hear true stories about teenagers killing their parents and most people think, “How could they ever do that!” But truthfully, anyone who is trying to be a protector to stop evil has the capacity to kill … believing it’s the right thing to do, even if they know it’s legally wrong.
At age 14, I told my mother “I have a plan that will solve all the problems in our family. I have a plan to kill Dad.” I explained, “I would only have to spend 4 years in a juvenile detention center because I’m only 14, then at 18, I would be released. Mom, I can do anything for 4 years!” Silence. After a few moments, she said, “Honey, I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but that really won’t be necessary.” For years after that, I knew I mustn’t tell anyone how I felt inside.
Although I had been raised in a mainline Christian denomination, I had never seen authentic Christianity growing up. The Bible wasn’t used — the Bible wasn’t taught. However, when I was 15, my family ended up in a biblically-based church where I saw inspirational teenagers and youth leaders who knew spiritual truth and who could quote Scripture. I’d never seen anything like it, and I began to live for Sundays and Wednesdays, as well as youth camps, choir tours, and mission projects.
At first, I didn’t have even a seed of faith, but after six months of being around these authentic Christians, I wanted what they had (though I wasn’t sure what that was). They said, “June, Christianity isn’t a religion, it’s a relationship with Christ.” I could see these teens had something that was real. So eventually, I prayed, “Jesus, I want a real relationship with you as my Lord and Savior, I give you my life to do whatever you want with it.” I could barely verbalize a prayer, but I was sincere.
While receiving Jesus as our Lord will transform a person’s life, any abuse — whether physical or sexual, even verbal and emotional abuse — can make Christianity immensely difficult to accept. My main question was: “If God is a loving God, how could He permit one person (my father) to be abusive and cause so much pain to so many people?”
As I wrestled with this question, I also saw later how God could use my abusive upbringing to help others. When I became a youth director for 600 students, I could frequently identify victims of abuse. I didn’t know their story and I didn’t share my story, but their unspoken pain was all too familiar. God used my pain to stretch my capacity for compassion and ultimately help those who were hurting.
Regarding domestic violence, the research we have today reveals the extent of the problem. The statistics are that 1 in 3 women worldwide will be victims at some time in their lives. That’s tragic! In the United States, on average, over 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner.
In 1986, after being asked to start a national radio program, I founded Hope for the Heart, a biblical resource ministry, focused on providing “God’s Truth for Today’s Problems.” I received thousands of letters from listeners about issues they were dealing with, like abuse and anorexia, divorce, co-dependency, anger, and addiction. I needed materials on these subjects, but I rarely found anything that was biblical and practical. I remember thinking, how could there not be any Christian material on childhood sexual abuse?! This led me to start a three-year Counseling through the Bible course that focused on 96 key topics. Over time, each topic was expanded, and other topics were added. In 1995 I was asked to initiate Hope in the Night, a national call-in counseling program to talk about real-life issues. In nine years, our teaching material sold over 2.2 million copies, with verbal and emotional abuse, depression, decision-making, and forgiveness being some of the most popular topics.
We address common, real-life struggles that other people and organizations often don’t address. The library is supplemented with additional Lifeline to Hope online video courses, radio broadcasts, podcasts, translated resources, international ministry, and annual equipping seminars and conferences to help people apply the Bible to their everyday lives and struggles.
Though today we are far more open as a culture to addressing anxiety and mental health issues, we still need to know how to handle trials. Prejudices still exist, and there is a long way to go before we can overcome them. I’ve learned that we need to be concise to help people understand conflict resolution and everyday challenges. In our Keys (which unlock doors), we always include the topic’s definitions, characteristics, causes, and solutions — with solutions being the most important.
The Bible says, “the truth will set you free” (John 8:32). When I discovered the truth about Jesus, it changed my life. When I look back on the issues I’ve wrestled with and after talking with thousands of callers on Hope in the Night about all kinds of mental, emotional, relational, and spiritual life issues … I have discovered that there are no hopeless situations, only those who have grown hopeless. There really are biblical solutions to all of life’s problems.
I encourage anyone who is struggling to “hang onto hope” and take to heart these words from the Lord in Jeremiah 29:11, “I know the plans I have for you … plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
